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Prelude: Grief Strikes My Life A fierce storm lashed West Palm Beach during the predawn hours of Wednesday, September 19, 1990. Startled by a brilliant flash of lightning followed almost instantly by house-shaking thunder, I awoke. For a long while I lay awake, thinking, “What an awful storm! Lightning must have struck nearby. If only Claude were here.” But my husband, Dr. Claude Rhea, couldn’t be with me at the time. He was in Paris, France, on a business trip. Later that day, I was chatting with a friend after I spoke at a luncheon at Palm Beach Atlantic College (now Palm Beach Atlantic University), where my husband was president. “Carolyn, have you seen the tree that was struck by lightning early this morning?” she inquired. “Which tree?” I asked. “One here on campus?” “Yes, the huge ficus tree outside Claude’s office.” Of course I wanted to see it! How Claude loved that tree! To him it was symbolic of Palm Beach Atlantic College. When he accepted the presidency of that college eight and one half years earlier, the old ficus tree stood valiantly among the old campus buildings. During Claude’s time there, several new buildings were constructed. He had the majestic ficus tree dug up and transplanted (by crane!) just outside his office. When my friend and I reached the site of the fallen tree, nothing remained. During the early morning storm, lightning had splintered its frame in an instant. Removing it quickly was imperative, for it had become a traffic hazard. Freshly-placed flagstones created a virgin path across the ground so recently sheltered by Claude’s beloved ficus tree. For a short while, my friend and I stood there talking about Claude’s fallen tree. Meanwhile, my husband, Claude, was waiting in Charles de Gaulle Airport near Paris, France, for a flight to London. Suddenly, he experienced great difficulty breathing and was rushed to the emergency clinic at the airport. Doctors tried in vain to save his life. He died of heart failure there in the airport at 8:25 P.M. Paris time (2:25 P.M. West Palm Beach time). The last words he spoke were these: “Tell Carolyn I love her.” My friend and I did not know that while we were standing at the site of the fallen tree, my beloved husband of thirty-nine years was dying in France. Never again would his loving presence shelter me, his wife and helpmate. My life was changed forever. I was now a widow, wandering alone in the wilderness of grief. Like lightning, grief strikes my life. Acquainted with Grief Outpourings of Grief I am acquainted with grief. My beloved is dead. Grief is my constant companion. You are acquainted with grief, Lord Jesus. Man of Sorrows, draw near, I pray, And when You blessed the broken bread Because you conquered death, But during this earthly “meanwhile” Outpourings of Comfort “Daughter, be of good comfort.” —Matthew 9:22 “I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.” —John 14:18 “And, behold, two of them went…to a village called Emmaus…. And they talked together of all these things which had happened [Jesus’ death, burial, and resurrection]. And it came to pass, that…Jesus himself drew near, and went with them…. And beginning at Moses and all the prophets, he expounded unto them in all the Scriptures the things concerning himself.” —Luke 24:13-15, 27 “Jesus saith unto him, I am the way.” —John 14:6 “And I [Jesus] will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he many abide with you forever; even the Spirit of Truth.” —John 14:16-17 “The Sprit of the lord God is upon me…he hath to sent me to bind up the brokenhearted…to comfort all that morn…to give onto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning.” —Isaiah 61:1-3 “The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart.” —Psalm 31:24 “Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.” —Matthew 5:4 “Be of strong courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD.” —Psalm 31:24 “Be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus.” —2 Timothy 2:1 “For we walk by faith, not by sight.” —2 Corinthians 5:7 Weeping Outpourings of Grief Lord, when will my weeping stop? The sudden shock of losing him Shut out my tears at first, Enabling me to handle necessary tasks Of telling family and friends, Making funeral arrangements, Attending services.
Now, torrents of tears flow unbidden Each time I wake from sleep and face again The reality of death.
And unexpected provocations trigger tears— Seeing a caring friend, Reading a word of comfort, Hearing a favorite hymn, Seeing his clothes still hanging there, Touching some object that unlocks a memory.
I am vulnerable and cannot stem the tears.
Surely You understand, Lord, For you wept at Lasarus’ tomb. Please enfold me in Your loving arms And weep with me.
Then, in the fullness of Your time, Lord, Let this weeping pass.
Outpourings of Comfort “The LORD hath heard the voice of my weeping, The LORD hath heard my supplication; the LORD will receive my prayer.” —Psalm 6:8-9 “When Jesus therefore saw her [Mary] weeping, and the Jews also weeping which came with her, he groaned in the sprit, and was troubled, and said, Where have ye laid him [Lazarus]? They said unto him, Lord, come and see. Jesus wept.” —John 11:33-55 “Mine eye poureth out tears unto God.” —Job 16:20 “Put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book?” —Psalm 56:8 “Hear my prayer, O LORD, and give ear unto my cry; hold not thy peace at my tears.” —Psalm 39:12 “To everything there is a season…a time to weep.” —Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4 “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes.” —Revelation 7:17 “For thou hast delivered my soul from death, mine eyes from tears, and my feet from falling.” —Psalm 116:8 Forgiveness Outpourings of Grief While there in Paris, dear, On the day of your death, You stopped at Notre Dame Cathedral And prayed for one who had wronged you greatly, Forgiving him and asking God to bless his life.
You left with lighter step, With peace and joy, To continue your journey to the airport — And to death.
Forgiving and forgiven, You stepped out into eternity, At peace with God, With your fellowman, And with yourself.
Father, teach me Your lesson of forgiveness. Call to my remembrance whomever You wish. And as the memories stream past, Help me pause wherever forgiveness is needed. As Your divine love shines full Upon me and my adversary, Help me release all anger and bitterness. Only then can Your healing love Restore and bless us both.
Forgive and I shall be forgiven. What an eternal lesson, Lord! I confess my own sins, Father, And ask Thy forgiveness, Knowing that in Your love and mercy, You are ready to forgive me, too.
I must also forgive myself, Father? But that is hard to do! Please help me.
Outpourings of Comfort “And forgive us our debts, as we forgive out debtors.” —Matthew 6:12 “For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: but if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” —Matthew 6:14-15 “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” —Ephesians 4:32 “Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.” —Colossians 3:13 “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” —1 John 1:9 “Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy loving-kindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions….For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me.” —Psalm 51:1, 3 “Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much: but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little. And he [Jesus] said unto here, Thy sins are forgiven….go in peace.” —Luke 7: 47-48, 50 “Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.” —Psalm 51:10 Handles for Helping Outpourings of Grief My dear, What if death were reversed And I had died first?
You would have grieved, yes; But you would have continued With your work of helping others— Young people, though Christian education, And multitudes, through your gift of music.
Your handles for service Would still be in place. You’d simply continue as before, Though probably at greater pace.
I have ready handles now. My work was that of helping you, And the door is closed forever.
Where are my handles now, Lord? Please show me fresh new ways That I can help others And thus serve Thee.
Outpourings of Comfort “Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, whether … ministry, let us wait on our ministering; or he that teacheth, on teaching; or he that exhorteth, on exhortation … serving the Lord … continuing instant in prayer; distributing to the necessary of saints; given to hospitality.” —Romans 12:6-8, 11-13 “A man’s gift maketh room for him.” “All the windows stood by him [Peter] weeping, and showing the coats and garments which Dorcas made, while she was with them.” —Acts 9:39 “Ye also helping together by prayer for us.” —2 Corinthians 1:11 “And on the Sabbath we went out of the city by a river side, where prayer was wont to be made; and we sat down, and spake unto the woman which resorted thither.” —Acts 16:13 “So when they had dined, Jesus saith to Simon Peter, Simon, son of Jona, lovest thou me more than these? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my lambs.” —John 21:15 “Go home to thy friends, and tell them how great things the Lord hath done for thee, and hath had compassion on thee.” —Mark 5:19 Thy Will, Thy Way, Thy Time Outpourings of Grief Thy will? Father, was death at sixty-two A part of Your perfect will for Claude’s life? Did You plan everything from the beginning? Had he completed Your purpose For his earthly life? Having finished his work, Did he die in Your way and time? I wonder.
Thy way? Father, did You intentionally create The circumstances in which he died? Or did You work lovingly and creatively For his highest good Within circumstances Brought about by life choices— His and others’? My heart ponders.
Thy time? Father, was it really Your scheduled time For him to die? You could have intervened And spared him yet again, but You didn’t.
Father, as my frail mind contemplates Your omnipotence, I kneel in reverent awe.
My human understanding of Your divine will Is meager indeed, yet I am confident That unseen aspects of Your wise and loving will Prevailed in Claude’s death.
I can safely trust You with the unknown. Claude loved You and trusted You. So do I. Thy will, Thy way, Thy time In my life, too, and in my death.
Outpourings of Comfort “The LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; Blessed be the name of the LORD.” —Job 1:21 “And he… kneeled down, and prayed, saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless, not my will, but thine, be done.” —Luke 22:41-42 “That good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God”. —Romans 12:2 “As for God, his way is perfect.” —Psalm 18:30 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.” —Isaiah 55:8-9 “I will meditate in thy precepts, and have respect unto thy ways.” —Psalm 119:15 “All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” —Psalm 139:16 (NIV) “To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” —Ecclesiastes 3:1 “Man that is born of a woman is of few days….his days are determined, the number of his months are with thee, thou hast appointed his bounds that he cannot pass.” —Job 14:1, 5 “My times are in thy hand.” —Psalm 31:15 Teardrops: Everlasting Joy Outpourings of Grief My love, how can it be That I no longer think of you Almost every waking moment And grieve for your loving presence?
There are small spaces of time When my life us so absorbed in present living That you are not in my thoughts at all. How unthinkable! How sad that I should forget you even for an hour!
But I have not forgotten you, my dear. You are forever a part of me. You helped God shape my life Into my present self. I carry your love in my heart I miss you so very much and I always will.
But now I’m caught up in trying to reconstruct With God’s guidance A meaningful life for myself. One in which I can help, Serve, share, learn, grow.
I remember the hibiscus plant We bought at the annual show. It was called Teardrops, For several perfectly-shaped white teardrops Spattered the broad expanse Of its gorgeous pink blooms. How we loved it!
Then later, after it had grown much taller, We saw a different kind of bloom: Multitudes of small, sturdy, happy pink blossoms Swaying merrily in the Florida breeze! Teardrops had been grafted onto a stronger plant! We named it Everlasting Joy.
Teardrops still bloomed at the lower level, But as the plant grew ever upward and outward, Everlasting Joy bloomed in profusion!
Lord Jesus, when teardrops fall, Help me remember that through faith I have been grafted in You— You, the vine; I, a branch— Eternally secure in God’s love through Thee! Blessed with Thy fullness of joy on earth And the promise of everlasting joy in heaven! Outpourings of Comfort “I thank my God upon every remembrance of you.” —Philippians 1:3 I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.” —John 10:10 “I am the vine, ye are the branches. He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit; for without me ye can do nothing.” —John 15:5 “Ye shall be sorrowful, but your sorrow shall be turned into joy.” —John 16:20 “Break forth into joy… for the LORD hath comforted his people.” —Isaiah 52:9 “Everlasting joy shall be unto them.” —Isaiah 61:7 “I have…quieted myself, as a child that is weaned of his mother: my soul is even as a weaned child. Let Israel hope in the LORD from henceforth and for ever.” —Psalm 131:2-3 “I have found you in my heart.” —Philippians 1:7
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